Mommy Emotes

Remember my post on the weights my hubby and I saw at the department store? Well, we have finally bought it last week. Finally, he got what he wanted! I am not that enthusiastic since I was the one who paid for it. But the price was quite reasonable compared if you buy it in a premier sports house!

Anyway, buying a bottle of ephedrine is much way cheaper than weights. Why? Because after you buy the weights, you need to buy vitamins to supplement his muscle building and next, other gym equipments! Grrr… A never ending quest for self pampering! To think I haven’t pampered myself that much, I am satisfied with little things I buy for myself which even rarely happens in reality.

Oh well, I bought it for him and there’s no way of turning back now. Still my bad! I spoiled him again.

I admit that I have spoiled my husband so badly. Now, I am suffering from it and am having a hard time removing myself from this situation.

Anyway, I have just realized that I have been so mindful of him in terms of my time, my talent and my treasure. If he wants me, I am there for him. If he needs something, I will do it for him. If he wants something, I buy it for him. Then later, I noticed that I haven’t done anything for myself. Much worst, my time, my talent and my treasure should be prioritized for God! I felt so utterly guilty inside.

Before, I already planned to have my “ME TIME” or my “ME NEEDS.” I wanted to have a time and buy something for myself so that I would not get frustrated. I even searched for cheap term insurance quotes so that I can set aside for the future just in case. I also wrote some business projects that I will fund using my income online. And yes, all to no avail! I am trapped in my desires to love, care and spoil my husband in which most people have already told me that he is not worth it at all!

I have been very down lately. It seems that my emotional problems with regards to my marriage have taken the best of me again. Being promised to and then broken so many times can somehow take away the courage to believe and pursue things again.

Most of the time, I don’t felt like doing the things that I used to love before. I just find myself sleeping in the morning and in the afternoon. Some of my friends told me that I should relax. They said getting space might help, so I need to check some travel deals that suits me. Some said getting a spa for pregnant moms can also relieve the stress.

Yet again…I think physical relievers could not really take away what I felt inside. I think the cure for this is much more than what can be availed physically.

Our nephew came here because we wanted to help him go to school but unfortunately, he decided to go home because his parents can’t afford to get his card for us to enroll him. Anyway, there are many deeper issues why he has been sent home and that’s not about the enrollment. It’s much deeper that somehow I don’t want to be placed in a hospital bed because of stress.

Oh well, I am just happy that he has left this noon. We have sent him to the pier and bid him farewell. At least, a torn was pulled out from me!

Just this morning, my husband and I had a fight. I woke up early and did few of my tasks at hand. About 10am, he asked me to stop working and take care of the children so that we would be ready for church. Since its still 10am, I said please let me finish for awhile. I will just publish one last post and I am off to fulfill my duties.

Then my cute broadband internet connection was not participating. The pages took too long to load. So, he was saying a lot of irritating comments. Of course I got irritated and closed all my browsers without logging off and went out immediately. I knew that he wanted me to stop because he wanted to use the PC. Actually, I am really OK if he asked me to stop if he would just tell me the truth and not hurt me with his irritating comments. It really did piss me off.

When time like this happens, I just wished I am out of the house. Much better out of the country enjoying some Argentina travel or better yet some Disneyland adventure! Grrr…As far away from him for short!